Second blog. Filled with how I REALLY feel. :TRIGGER WARNING: 32. Failure at life. Pretty much friendless. Dying by the day. | “So you’re saying poor people shouldn’t have kids?” Yes, absolutely, 100%. If you’ve barely got the funds for yourself/with a partner why do you NEED kids? But more importantly, why do you want kids when you know you can’t provide them with the best life? It’s guaranteed they will come out of the experience with scars and it’s very possible they will resent you later. It’s entirely selfish to put your biological wants over the well-being of an unnecessary life. One reason I like talking to drunk women is because they’re basically sober me. They just let all their shit out there and apologize while just existing and being themselves. Sometimes I feel bad from detaching from friends then I watch their content on social media and I’m like they didn’t intentionally involve me in ANY of those plans so fuck that shit 🤷🏽♀️ How do you just destroy a person and then act like you owe them nothing??? HOW?!?!? I’m not grounded 98% of the time. I have no connections, no anchors. So I’m typically bordering or am in some sort of dissociative state. Floating through a nightmare untethered. Ran into my ex yesterday and I’m not ok. No interaction besides looking, he even tried to hide. My nervous system is a mess right now and has been for the last 12 hours. All the trauma is trying to come to the surface. I wish I could k*ll him. You ever find a potential FP from afar and then go “Oh nooo… let’s nip this shit in the bud” 😭. Like I would love to have this person become a friend but it’s best to just have them as a distant bar buddy.
It’s wild the way brains of people like me work. Someone could be like, “I’m so sorry. An emergency came up and I have to cancel our plans” but because I spent all week preparing and the cancellation is last minute, my brain automatically goes “I swear I’m about to go kill myself. If I were more important they wouldn’t have cancelled.” 😂 |
